


First & Forever

by starandrea



Series: First Saga [4]
Category: Power Rangers in Space
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-12
Updated: 2009-12-12
Packaged: 2017-10-30 23:57:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/337637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starandrea/pseuds/starandrea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Astro Rangers' senior year of high school.</p>
            </blockquote>





	First & Forever

**Epilogue**

"Oh, my god..."

Her whisper seemed impossibly loud in the quiet room, but Andros didn't stir. As her awareness drifted back from the edge of sleep she found herself curled up against his bare chest, her fingers around his wrist as she hugged his arms close to her. When she shifted incrementally, she could feel his skin against hers under the covers.

"Oh my god," she breathed again, eyes widening as she realized what had happened. She felt a smile threatening to split her face, and she bit her lip in a futile effort to contain it. She couldn't think past the lazy delight that welled up in her as the memory of the night before came rushing back.

Finally she dared to lift her head, heart racing as she wondered what she might see in his eyes when he opened them. But he was still asleep, and she had a few moments to enjoy the expression of utter peace on his face. Rarely did he look as vulnerable as he did when he slept, and the fact that he shared that with her never failed to warm her heart.

She lifted one hand and laid it carefully on his chest, feeling his heartbeat beneath her fingers. She suppressed a giggle as she remembered his laughter the night before--he was ticklish in places she would never have expected, and she would never forget the way he had shared himself so completely. She would never forget that first time, when he had held nothing back and she had known beyond a shadow of a doubt that they *knew* each other.

"I love you," she whispered, keeping her eyes on his face as she settled back against his pillow. *I know you, and I love you.*

It was that knowing that made the night before so special, really. She had to admit, if only to herself, that sex wasn't all it was cracked up to be. But seeing the unshuttered emotion in Andros' eyes when he kissed her, being able to touch him without reservation and say anything without worrying how it sounded... those were things she wouldn't trade for anything in the world.

*Love you, too,* Andros' voice answered, and she felt a smile spreading across her face again.

His eyes opened slowly, focusing on hers with an endearing certainty. "Morning," he whispered, as though afraid to disturb the quiet.

"Hi," she said softly. 

She saw an answering smile begin on his face, a slow, unconcerned look of happiness that spread across his features as he studied her. His expression was as open as it had been the night before, hiding nothing from her, and as she watched his eyes stare back into hers she knew it was going to be all right.

With a contented sigh, she snuggled a little closer. "I like this," she murmured, tucking her head against his shoulder.

"Me too," he said quietly. His fingers brushed her cheek, and she let her eyes slide shut as she savored the sensation.

She smiled a little then as it occurred to her that this was the true victory. No matter what Cetaci had said the day before, this was what they had really been fighting for: the right to live and love in peace.

"It is six-thirty in Angel Grove," DECA's voice interjected, and she started a little as the lights brightened.

Andros smoothed her hair soothingly, but she couldn't help sighing. "I forgot about school," she mumbled, not wanting to move.

"Thanks, DECA," Andros said, still stroking her hair. "I wish you didn't have to go," he added more quietly, addressing her this time.

"I wish I didn't have to go *anywhere*," she said with a small smile. She squirmed away from him enough that she could stretch, blinking her eyes hard in an effort to rouse herself from sleepy indolence.

She felt him shift beside her, and she caught her breath as he trailed his fingers across her skin. "You're beautiful, you know," he murmured.

She turned her head to gaze up at him, smiling at the look in his eyes. He had propped himself up on one elbow, hair spilling over his bare shoulders as he stared down at her. "Don't say that," she teased gently, touched by his sincerity. "Or I really won't go at all."

"You're beautiful," he repeated without hesitation. He leaned down and kissed her mouth softly, whispering, "I've never known anyone more beautiful than you."

She closed her eyes, letting him kiss her again and wondering if it was really that important to graduate from high school after all. Who cared about classes when she could lie here with her boyfriend, on his spaceship, for the rest of her life?

She was vaguely aware of the commotion in the hallway, but it didn't register as unusual until Andros pulled away with a rueful chuckle. "I should have known he'd pull something like this," he muttered.

She opened her eyes, straining to hear what was going on. It was Zhane's voice that she was hearing, she realized; that must have been what made Andros laugh. He was out in the corridor with... TJ, it sounded like. The both of them were carrying on loudly enough to be heard through the walls, pounding on doors and just generally making enough of a ruckus that it would be easier to get up than to try to ignore them for any length of time.

Andros' room was at the very end of the corridor, but it appeared that just because he didn't have to go to school didn't mean he would be allowed to sleep in. It was Zhane who banged on the door, yelling, "Rise and shine, Andros! Get out of bed and help us get these kids off to school! Come on, no rest for the weary!"

Ashley rolled over, muffling her giggles with Andros' pillow. "If only he knew," she managed, between giggles.

"Oh, he will," Andros said dryly. "You don't think you're going to be able to get out of here unnoticed with that going on in the hallway, do you?"

She shook her head, trying to contain her mirth. Leave it to Zhane to get everyone going on the most anti-climatic of days. "No," she admitted, hugging Andros' blanket around her as she struggled to sit up. "But since they all think we've been sleeping together for weeks anyway, I guess it doesn't really matter."

"Do you mind?" he asked quietly. His expression was suddenly serious as he watched her fish around on the floor for her discarded clothes. "DECA could teleport you back to your room, if you wanted."

T-shirt in hand, she hesitated. "I don't mind if you don't," she said, watching him carefully.

He shook his head once, and she couldn't help smiling. "Good," she said, a little relieved. "That makes it easier."

This time it was TJ's voice that intruded, and she could hear him banging on her door across the hall. He was yelling for her to get up and get some breakfast, and she had to giggle when she caught Andros' eye again. She waved to warn him, then shouted, "I'm coming already! Sheesh, TJ; chill!"

There was an abrupt and very obvious pause from the hallway, and she bit her lip in an effort not to laugh. Andros' eyes danced, and then Zhane's voice came from right outside the door. "I can think of several very bad jokes right now, and if you two don't move it you're going to hear all of them!"

Ashley stuck her tongue out at the door just as she felt the flicker in her mind that was Andros saying something she wasn't meant to overhear. But Zhane had no such compunction, and his reply came through loud and clear. *Then hurry up!*

She giggled, not needing to ask to know a threat when she heard one. She let go of the blanket a little self-consciously and started to scramble into her clothes as quickly as she could. It wasn't long, though, before Andros sidled up beside her and put his hands on her still-bare shoulders. Pushing her hair to one side, he kissed her neck gently and murmured, "I love you."

"I love you too," she whispered, relaxing a little. She turned her head and he kissed her again, letting go of her hair before he slid off the edge of the bed to disentangle his clothes from hers.

She paused, forgetting that she was only half-dressed herself as she watched him. As gorgeous as he was, there was something in the way he moved that made him magic to look at. She didn't know what it was, exactly, but she thought it had to come from the inside.

Before she realized it, he was settling down on the floor to wait for her. She blinked, trying not to blush as she pretended she hadn't been staring. She pulled her t-shirt over her head, shrugging her shoulders to wriggle it into the right place. She made a face when her hair wouldn't stay out of the way, and Andros laughed at her, handing her his brush without a word.

She did her best without a mirror, knowing she'd only mess up her hair again when she changed later. Finally she jammed her feet into her sneakers and stood, ducking to avoid the top bunk and reaching down to help Andros up.

"Thanks," he said easily, taking her hand and letting her pull him up. She was struck by an eerie sense of déjà vu, the day they'd first met springing into her mind with vivid detail. She could see him remembering too, and as their eyes met they shared a smile.

"Thank you," she said suddenly, squeezing his hand. "Thanks for--last night."

He looked torn between amusment and confusion. "Why are you thanking me?"

She shrugged, fighting not to blush again and failing miserably. "I don't know," she murmured, not taking her eyes off of him. "I just wanted to."

He smiled again, looking a little relieved. "Good. I just wanted to make sure it wasn't some Earth custom I didn't know about." Then he surprised her by pulling her into a hug and whispering, "Thanks for last night, Ashley."

She hugged him back, smiling to herself.

Then a clattering in the hallway reminded them of why they were up at all, and Andros let her go reluctantly. "I guess we'd better go keep them from destroying something," he said with a fondly exasperated look. "Ready?"

She nodded, leaving her hand in his as they headed for the doorway. She glanced back once to make sure she hadn't forgotten anything, and then the door opened and she could only laugh at the scene that greeted them.

Someone--presumably Zhane or TJ--had brought the meal cart up from storage in the holding bay, and it was covered with breakfast for what looked like twice their number. There were bagels, pancakes, Carlos' cereal and her favorite kind of muffin, juice, cream cheese and butter and even ketchup for TJ.

"Well, look who decided to join the rest of us," Zhane called, lounging next to Kerone outside her door. He was clearly enjoying making a spectacle of them despite the fact that they weren't the last to arrive in the hallway.

"Morning," Carlos offered, a knowing grin on his face as he poured a glass of juice. He offered it to Ashley with a wink, and she wrinkled her nose at him.

"We just--" Andros began, but Zhane cut him off.

"No," Zhane said loudly. "We don't want to hear about how you didn't sleep together, Andros. Just eat your breakfast and be quiet."

Ashley tried to swallow her juice before she laughed, knowing only Andros could appreciate the true humor of their situation. She managed not to choke but she couldn't suppress a wide grin, and Carlos shook his head.

"Have a muffin," her friend said, with an amused look in his eye that said "don't tell me; I don't want to know."

His expression reminded her that he was now eminently teasable as well, and she asked slyly, "So Carlos, did you have fun last night?"

"Not as much fun as you," he replied with perfect composure.

Any retort she might have made was interrupted by the opening of Saryn's door down the hall. Cassie emerged first, looking strangely together for quarter of seven in the morning. In fact, she looked exactly as organized as Saryn didn't when he followed her, yawning, a moment later.

"Cassie," TJ greeted her, dripping ketchup onto one of his pancakes. He took one look at Saryn's disheveled clothes and tousled hair and added, "You're rubbing off on him."

Cassie dropped her backpack by the door and reached back to run her hand suggestively across Saryn's chest. "More than you know," she agreed, smirking at TJ.

Ashley stifled a giggle, and TJ held up one hand to ward Cassie off. "Too much information!" he exclaimed, pretending not to listen. "I come all the way from Earth to bring you bagels, and this is what I hear!"

Cassie caught her eye and winked, and Ashley grinned. She didn't mean to look over at Andros, but she couldn't help it. *This really is what we fought for,* she thought again, reveling in the banter and caring of her second family. *This is why we're Rangers.*

Andros looked up at that, obviously overhearing, and she heard his wry suggestion in her head a moment later. *Because it keeps us off the streets?*

She struggled not to laugh, knowing he knew what she meant. He shrugged innocently, and she couldn't help thinking there was no way she would make it through seven hours of school without him. Skipping looked more appealing every minute.

Only a hundred and sixty six days till graduation, she thought with a rueful sigh.

  


**Approval**

Rainbow Brite was beating the devil over the head with her star wand. Rover seemed to be enjoying the confrontation immensely, but it was hard to say for sure since he'd been barking nearly nonstop all evening. Tigger seemed to have lost his bounce, though, and Carlos gave him a worried look.

"Ricki?" He tugged on one of Tigger's ears gently as the fur-clad child trudged along next to him. "You tired?"

Tigger nodded, his head drooping and his tail dragging behind him on the sidewalk.

Carlos exchanged glances with Aura. They were almost back to the dojo, but Ricki didn't look like he was going to make it. "Hey Rick," Carlos said, tugging on Tigger's ear again. "Want to be carried?"

Tigger stopped where he was and dropped his plastic trick-or-treat pumpkin on the ground. His eyes peeked out from under a furry orange and black hood as he held his arms up hopefully. 

Carlos shook his head in amusement. "Sorry, kiddo; you're too big for that. You're going to have to ride piggyback." He knelt down, letting Ricki wrap short arms around his neck before sliding his hands under the kid's legs and standing up again. "Aura, can you grab his pumpkin? Don't want to lose your candy," he added over his shoulder, and he felt Tigger shake his head vehemently.

"Perhaps I should take everyone's candy," Aura suggested as she picked up Tigger's abandoned pumpkin. She gave Rainbow Brite a pointed look, and the girl immediately protested.

"But Aura! He took my snickers!"

"Did not!" the devil retorted. "It was mine! That lady gave it to me, not you!"

"She would have given it to me if you hadn't been such a candy hog," Rainbow Brite said primly. "I don't see why boys get to be mean and rude and I don't get any candy just because I'm a *girl*."

"You seem to have quite a lot of candy," Aura said reasonably, giving the girl's trick-or-treating pumpkin a token glance.

"But I wanted another snickers!" Rainbow Brite complained. She put on an exaggerated pout, peering at Aura sideways to gauge the effectiveness of her expression.

"I'll trade you my snickers for one of your dum-dums," the devil offered unexpectedly.

Rainbow Brite frowned. She didn't look convinced that this was a fair deal, but finally she asked, "Which one?"

"What kinds do you have?" The devil tried to peer into her pumpkin and she hit him with her wand again.

"*I'll* look," she insisted, putting a hand over the top of her pumpkin to shield it from his view.

"Woof!" Rover shouted, trotting back down the street to bark loudly at them before turning back the way he'd come. "Woof woof!"

"Don't get too far ahead of us," Carlos called after him, bouncing Ricki a little higher on his back.

"Woof!" Rover answered, pausing to butt his head against a fire hydrant.

Carlos exchanged amused glances with Aura. The entire team--with the exception of Saryn and Kerone, who lately seemed to be off on League business more than they were home--had volunteered to help out with the dojo's Halloween party. He and Aura had signed up as trick-or-treat supervisors, and they had each been assigned two kids from the dojo's regular attendance roll to escort around the neighborhood. 

"I shall have to see one of these 'dogs' some time," Aura remarked, as they turned into the dojo parking lot. "I would be interested to know whether Kevin's portrayal is an accurate one."

"Well, Rainbow Brite doesn't usually hit people," Carlos said wryly, and the girl in blue paused midswing to shoot a guilty look in their direction. "If that tells you anything."

"Mama has a dog," Ricki mumbled.

"That's right," Carlos agreed, shrugging his burden higher again. "Rick could bring his dog to the dojo and you could play with him while Rick has his lesson." He grinned at her to show he was joking, but Ricki made a sound of solemn agreement.

"Woof!" Rover yelled from underneath the portico. "Rrr, woof!"

"I'm guessing that means 'hurry up'." Carlos lengthened his stride while simultaneously giving Rainbow Brite and the devil what he hoped was a stern look. "You two need to behave at the party, remember."

"I behave," the devil muttered around a dum-dum stick. "She's the one who gets us into trouble."

"Do not!" his twin contested hotly.

"Do so!"

Carlos just shook his head, stopping a few steps back from the door so that Aura could open it. Rover scrambled through as soon as the door was open, and the twins weren't far behind. Aura held the door patiently, and he smiled at her as he headed inside with Ricki.

"Thanks," he said over his shoulder. Anything else he might have added was overwhelmed by the barely restrained chaos of clamoring, sugar-happy kids and their harried--and, in many cases, caffeinated--parents.

Ashley must have been watching for them, for she rescued them almost as soon as they stepped through the door. "Hey guys, you're just in time for the costume parade! Natasha, Natan, Kevin--do you see that giant pumpkin over there? Run over to her and ask for a number, okay?"

"Woof!" Kevin shouted as he took off after the twins.

Ashley rolled her eyes at Carlos. "You're not supposed to let them eat their candy until later, you know."

"We didn't," he protested. "They're not on a sugar high, I swear; they're just naturally like that!"

Ashley laughed at his indignation. "I'm just giving you a hard time. Believe me, everyone else is at least as wired, so they'll blend right in. Hi, Ricki," she added, waving at the boy still clinging to Carlos. "Are you going to be in the parade?"

"Not with me he isn't," Carlos teased, making a grand show of effort as he set Ricki down. "I'm exhausted!"

Ricki giggled a little at that, ducking his head. But he looked considerably more bouncy than he had out on the street, and Carlos couldn't help wondering if he'd been had. The tired kid who had dragged along behind them had practically vanished, replaced by a wriggling and suddenly energetic four-year-old.

"I will go with him," Aura offered. She held out her hand to Ricki in invitation. "Shall we go get your number?"

He nodded immediately, taking her hand and towing her toward the pumpkin on the other side of the room. Aura had no choice but to follow, and Carlos waved after her as she let the boy lead her away.

"How's she doing?" Ashley asked quietly, watching the two of them maneuver around parents and children alike as they wound through the activity areas.

"Great," Carlos said, flashing her a grin. "I think she's having a good time. And the kids love her."

Ashley shook her head, though whether in amusement or wonder he couldn't tell. "I have to admit, when you first suggested this I thought you were crazy. But it's working... she's just another person in a costume."

"So to speak," Carlos agreed, still grinning. "And while we're on the subject of costumes..." He gave her an appraising look that bordered on a leer and whistled. He wouldn't have done it to anyone except his best friend, but sure enough Ashley just laughed.

"You think this is bad," she said with a grin, indicating to her midriff-baring flower child costume. "You should see Cassie."

"Do I want to?" He scanned the crowd anyway, looking for the flamboyant Asian girl.

"Saryn would," Ashley said smugly. "I hope someone's taking pictures, because he's going to be sorry he missed tonight. She's over by the Haunted Closet with Zhane; see, next to the streamers?"

Carlos caught one look at his teammate and laughed. "That's a bodysuit, not a cat costume!"

"But you knew what she was," Ashley said with a giggle. "Zhane's her bodyguard. Rocky told her she'd need one--if one of the parents doesn't complain and get her kicked out first."

"Zhane's--the Silver Ranger?" Carlos didn't know whether to laugh or shake his head as Cassie's "bodyguard" emerged from the Haunted Closet with a couple of kids in tow. "That's creative."

"He's doing it to freak the rest of us out," Ashley said, looking torn between amusement and exasperation. "I'm sure of it. Speaking of which," she added, lowering her voice. "Did you *have* to be a vampire? Every time I look at you, I jump."

He grinned, deliberately baring his glow-in-the-dark fangs. "I'm just exorcising some demons from our past. It's good for you."

Ashley snorted, clearly not convinced. "I don't suppose you've seen Tessa and TJ?" she asked, not deigning to reply.

"I saw TJ when we came to pick up our kids," Carlos said, his gaze roving across the crowd again. The costume parade was just starting, and Aura wasn't the only adult holding a kid's hand. "I still don't know where he got that wookie costume. But I haven't seen Tessa yet."

"She's a jedi," Ashley told him. "But ever since she got here, she's been telling people she's a jedi wookie trainer."

Carlos snickered. "Did she bring a leash?"

"No." Ashley paused for a moment, then added, "She borrowed one."

Several of the parents glanced their way at the sound of Carlos' laughter, but none of the kids so much as slowed down. 

The costume parade was making its way around the edge of the dojo floor now, and he grinned as he caught Aura's eye. She waved back, then gestured over her shoulder. He grin widened as he got a closer look at TJ, following her with his "leash" held by a little girl who looked even younger than Ricki.

"Hey guys," Andros' voice said from behind him, and he turned around. His lips twitched at the sight of Andros in tie-dye and ripped jeans, with a headband restraining his blonde-streaked hair and a peace necklace hanging over his shirt.

"Hi," Carlos replied, wondering if he could pass off another bout of laughter as the result of too much Halloween candy. "Nice costume."

"It was Ashley's idea," Andros said, in all innocence.

Carlos was hard-pressed to keep a straight face. "I wouldn't have guessed."

"Take a ballot," Andros suggested, offering him a piece of orange paper. "I'm collecting costume votes."

Carlos couldn't suppress his grin as he looked away, pretending to study the kids still marching past. Aura and Ricki were too far away by now for him to catch the number pinned to the Tigger costume, but he stared after them anyway. *Aura,* he thought carefully.

*Yes?* He saw her glance back over her shoulder.

*What's Rick's number?*

*Thirty-three,* she answered with a smile, glancing down at the child beside her.

*Thanks.*

"You're cheating," Ashley accused, peering at his faraway expression.

"I am not," he responded automatically, not questioning how she knew. "I can't see Ricki's number from here. Is that okay with you, Ms. Twenty-twenty?"

She grinned unrepentantly. "Well, I guess so. But only if I can borrow your pen."

He handed it to her, and she scribbled a number on the "ballot" before handing it back to Andros. "Thanks," Andros said, holding out what looked like a fishbowl so Carlos could put his vote in too. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

He headed off, and Carlos raised an eyebrow at Ashley.

She caught his eye and shrugged. "What?"

He just looked at her, and finally she smiled. "Well, you have to admit... he does look awfully cute."

"Right," Carlos said dryly. "I hope you're right about someone taking pictures."

"Heads up," a familiar voice said from directly behind them. "Mom and Dad just got here."

"Thanks, bro." Carlos' younger brother moved into his line of vision, and he raised an eyebrow at the black-clad ninja. "Aren't you supposed to be getting ready for the demo?"

"No way, man," his brother protested with a grin. "Nice try, but I want to meet your girl as much as they do. Is she here?"

Carlos sighed, but Ashley pointed for him. "Over there by Rocky--she's with the little Tigger."

"Boys!" As usual, their father's boisterous greeting completely overwhelmed their mother's more reserved countenance. "Happy Halloween, as they say! What a terrific fiesta--this is the biggest turnout I've seen at the dojo all year!"

"That's sort of the point, Dad," Carlos' brother said, chuckling as their dad wrapped him in a giant bear hug. "I'm glad you guys could come."

"We're glad to be here!" their father assured him. "Carlos, my boy! We haven't seen you all weekend!"

"It's only Saturday, Dad," Carlos reminded him, his protest somewhat muffled as he was given an equally fierce hug. "And I'm here now."

"That you are, that you are." He looked around as though to make sure everyone else was sharing in his enthusiasm. "Kel, aren't you glad to see the boys? And here's Ashley; it's good to see you again! How have you been, Ashley?"

"Good, thank you," Ashley answered, giving him a charming smile.

"Wonderful; glad to hear it! How's school going?"

Ashley shrugged eloquently, and her eyes flickered toward Carlos. Just yesterday at breakfast he had heard her announce cheerfully, _"Only a hundred thirty-seven days until graduation!"_

Tonight, though, she must have been on her best behavior, for all she said was, "School's all right. It's been a little crazy lately with college deadlines coming up, but at least there weren't any major emergencies this week."

"Ah, yes," Carlos' father said knowingly, just as Carlos saw his brother wave out of the corner of his eye. He followed his brother's gaze and saw Aura lingering by the refreshment table, clearly not certain whether she should join them or not.

"Well, I'm glad circumstances have been favorable," Carlos' father continued, as Carlos added his encouragement to his brother's. His father peered in the direction they were staring. "Who *are* you waving at? Oh! Is this the girl you mentioned yesterday, Carlos?"

Carlos ignored that as best he could, smiling at Aura as she finally joined them. "Did Ricki find his parents?"

She nodded, her eyes flickering past him to his family, and he saw Ashley flash them a covert thumbs-up. He tried not to be too obvious about taking a deep breath. "Aura, I'd like you to meet my mom and my dad--" He indicated each of them in turn before adding, "And this is my brother, Gabriel."

"Gabe," his brother corrected firmly, pushing his ninja hood back to flash Aura a grin. "It's nice to finally meet you, Aura."

"I am honored to meet you as well," Aura replied. She held out her hand, a little awkwardly, and Carlos glanced at his brother.

The lanky teenager didn't look at all surprised, just took her hand and shook it once. Then he surprised both of them by putting his own hands together in the traditional Aquitian greeting and bowing slightly to Aura. She returned the gesture solemnly, and Carlos opened his mouth to ask where his brother had learned that.

His father cut him off, though, with a loud laugh. "Excellent!" he exclaimed. "Excellent; what a wonderful costume! You even have the mannerisms down!"

Carlos stared at his father in horror, and for a brief moment no one said anything. He could feel Aura's gaze on him, and he forced himself to speak. "Dad--it's not a costume. This is Aura, from Aquitar. I've told you about her, remember? She's the Red Aquitian Ranger."

In that moment he wasn't even thinking about people overhearing, but in retrospect he would realize that anyone who did had probably written it off as play-acting. Unfortunately for all of them, so had his father. 

"Of course she is," he said heartily, clapping Aura on the shoulder. She flinched visibly, but he didn't seem to notice. "Terrific job, Aura, absolutely terrific! Oh look, that's Joe Hammond over there--you will excuse me for a moment, won't you?" And he was gone, an avalanche of unimpeded and incorrigible energy.

An uncomfortable silence proceeded his departure, and Carlos was left floundering for words. To his surprise, it was his mother who filled the breach by saying quietly, "You'll have to forgive him. Once he gets an idea into his head, he's a bit difficult to reason with." She smiled a little, imitating her son's hand gesture. "I'm very pleased to meet you, Aura. I hear that you and Carlos have become good friends."

Aura inclined her head in return, then offered her hand tentatively. His mother shook her hand gently but without hesitation, and he hoped Aura would remember that over his father's oblivious rudeness.

"Yes," Aura agreed at last, looking over at him. "I hope we are at least good friends."

He tried not to wince as he realized guiltily that she had reason to be upset about that, too--he hadn't told his parents about her until yesterday, and the story had of necessity been brief. He hadn't exactly gone into the details of their relationship. 

"More than good friends," he said firmly, determined to correct some small part of his mistake. "I love Aura, Mom. It's just that--well, you saw how Dad reacted. I didn't want to dump everything on him at once."

His very blonde and distinctly non-Hispanic mother smiled again. "From the way you talked about her, I thought it might be something like that. I'm happy for both of you, and I hope that you give us a chance to get to know you better, Aura."

"I would like that," Aura murmured, clearly surprised. "Thank you for your... approval."

"You don't need our approval," his mother said gently. "I know that. But you have it, for whatever it's worth. You're welcome in our home anytime, Aura."

"Sempei!" One of the older kids came shooting out of the crowd, and Carlos' brother glanced up in surprise. 

"Sempei Gabe!" Toby skidded to a halt in front of them, breathless. "The demo's about to start and Marissa can't find her nunchakus and the glowsticks in mine keep falling out and Sensei and Sempei Justin are trying to get the CD player to work so could you please come help us instead?"

"I'm coming," Carlos' brother promised, putting one hand on Toby's shoulder. "It was nice to meet you Aura--I hope I see you again soon. Have a good night, everyone." And he was gone, without even waiting for them to wish him luck.

"Is he not coming home tonight?" Carlos asked, surprised by his brother's farewell.

"He's staying overnight with Justin." His mother paused, then asked mildly, "Will we see you tonight, Carlos?"

He cleared his throat, realizing he would have been better off not to have said anything. "Well..." He traded glances with Aura, wondering if there was any safe way to mention Cassie's plan to set off a late night Halloween lightshow over the city. "I wasn't actually thinking of it, no. But I'll definitely be home tomorrow..."

His mother must have decided that his dad's slip had caused enough trouble for one evening, because she didn't guilt-trip him over his choice. Instead she only nodded, then looked across the room to where the Great Pumpkin was holding court with the costume ballots. "We'll expect you tomorrow, then--it looks like they're going to announce the winner of the costume contest."

As though she had overheard, the Great Pumpkin clambered up onto one of the activity tables--no mean feat in her costume--and shouted for everyone's attention. When most of the adults were at least pretending to listen, and most of the kids were being kept quiet by the adults, the pumpkin continued loudly, "It gives me great pleasure to declare the winner of this evening's costume contest. Number eighteen, please come forward and receive your prize."

"Natasha," Aura murmured, and sure enough, Rainbow Brite was making a beeline for the Great Pumpkin.

In the meantime, the pumpkin added, "The demo will be starting in just a moment, and Sensei has asked me to thank you all for making this event a wonderful, fun, and safe way to spend Halloween. I hope you're all enjoying yourselves, and now I'm going to turn it over to the demo team. Let's give them a big hand!"

Carlos lifted his hands to clap automatically, and he saw Aura give him an odd look as the crowd joined in. Tentatively, she copied his movement, and he smiled encouragingly at her. Then, near the pumpkin's impromptu stage, Rocky stepped out onto the demo mats and waited for them to quiet down.

"Good evening," he said at last. His gaze swept across the room, taking in and including everyone. "As Sempei Marie has already done, I'd like to thank you all for coming. In a moment the demo team will be out to show off its skills, and I feel I should warn you that when the demonstration begins the lights will go down. If you have anyone who's afraid of the dark, now would be a good time to make sure they're nearby.

"In addition, I ask you not to crowd the mats during the demo. As terrific as our team is, they do need room to move. Please don't throw candy, streamers, or small children on the mats during the demonstration. Please do not shine flashlights on the demo team, as some of them came as vampires and I won't be held responsible for the consequences. Lastly, in case of an emergency... grab your candy and run. Thank you, and enjoy the demonstration."

Rocky turned and disappeared into the dojo's back room to scattered applause, and, as promised, the lights started to dim. There were a few seconds of darkness, and then twin strobe lights were lit, sweeping across the crowd before coming to rest on the demo team's mats. Carlos' eyes couldn't adjust fast enough to see who was operating the lights, but he was distracted almost immediately by Aura's sudden inhalation.

"What's wrong?" he whispered, leaning closer.

She didn't answer right away, but she was stiffer than she had been before. "Will those lights be on for long?" she asked, so softly he almost couldn't hear her. It took him a moment to realize that she had closed her eyes.

"Are they bothering you?" he murmured, looking for the nearest door. "We can go outside."

She looked for a moment as though she would argue, but then the dojo's theme music came on and the demo team started to emerge. Their kiais as they ran out onto the mats were barely loud enough to be heard over the music, and Aura just closed her mouth and nodded tightly.

"Here," he said, putting his hand on her arm to guide her. "Mom, we're going to leave," he said loudly, speaking almost directly into her ear. He kissed her cheek quickly, adding, "Aura doesn't like the lights. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

His mother, too, looked as though she wanted to say something. But she must have seen Aura's distressed expression through the bright flashes of darkness, and she just smiled up at him. "Good night, Carlos," he read on her lips.

"Good night," he echoed, smiling back over his shoulder as he led Aura toward the exit.

The air was warm and fresh as they stepped out into the night, and the silence was impressive as the door closed behind them. The dojo was suddenly a world removed, and he turned to Aura in concern. "Are you okay? I didn't even think to warn you about the strobe..."

"Is that what you call it?" she asked ruefully, touching her fingers to her temples in a surprisingly human gesture. "I have never seen lights like that. You do not need to stay with me; I have no wish to make you miss your brother's demonstration."

"I'd rather be with you," he said, putting his hands in his pockets. "Besides," he added wryly, seeing her doubtful look, "Do you know how many times I've seen that demo this month?"

She smiled a little at that, and he smiled back. That was when he remembered his fangs, and she giggled as he pulled them out of his mouth. "You must tell me what a vampire is," she said, reminding him of his earlier promise. "Why does it have such odd looking teeth? And why did you tell Ashley you were exorcising demons by dressing as one?"

He cleared his throat, wondering how she had heard about that so quickly. "That's kind of a long story, actually."

She gave him an expectant look, and he sighed. "I dare you not to laugh," he began. "Last year, Divatox had this plan..."

  


**Reunion**

The city was grey and cold this time of year, even when the meager sunlight filtered down to the streets. Now, with darkness closing in around them, the chill wind seemed that much more hostile and what shelter they had did little to protect them.

Huddled on the lee side of what had once been a commuter skyport, the rebels were hunkered down in the shadow of the old capitol building. It loomed against the night, blotting out the few stars that shone between the clouds. Rumor had it that the final assault was coming--the capitol building would soon fall to the freedom fighters, and Eltare would rise, strong and unfettered, from the dust of the evil that now held it hostage.

Hungry, tired, and buffeted by the frigid wind, it was a hard thing for most of them to envision tonight.

"It's your turn by the fire," a voice said.

Saryn looked up, not surprised to see a fellow Ranger standing over him. "It is not," he said evenly, trying to keep his teeth from chattering. He had been keeping track of the rotations as closely as anyone else.

"Yes it is." Jenkarta stared back at him, his expression inscrutable in the flickering shadows of their single fire. "Stop being noble and take the damn seat, Saryn."

He didn't bother to argue further. He took Jenkarta's place next to the fire, ignoring the stiffness that seemed to set in every time they stopped moving for the day. 

Jenkarta crouched down nearby. "The North district's rough this time of year," the other commented idly, wrapping his cloak a little tighter around his shoulders. "Especially for the desert-born."

"Yes," Saryn agreed reluctantly. He hated being a liability, but rumor indicated that Elisians made up almost a quarter of the forces now laying siege to Eltare. To turn a street fighter away because of cold susceptibility would be to drastically reduce their numbers.

The warmth was only just beginning to penetrate when the sound of laser fire reached them over the whistle of the wind. The low murmur of voices ceased within seconds, and Saryn reached silently for his weapon. All around him, the others were doing the same. 

One of the perimeter guards vanished in the direction of the sound, and Saryn's eyes locked with Jenkarta's as they waited. The sound of laser fire came again, closer this time, and it was the sentry's voice that yelled, "Break!"

Saryn lunged to his feet, swinging his pack over his shoulders and hefting his weapon. The encampment had flown into action with that single word, but the warning came again, and again, and Jenkarta shouted, "Fall back to J sector!"

They scattered like ashes on the wind, the fire still burning behind them as they ran. The sound of pounding boots on pavement announced the enemy's proximity, for the rebels were silent on their feet. A blast struck the building ahead of him and Saryn flinched, but he didn't slow down. Stopping to return fire would only bring an entire contingent down on him--if the sentry had thought that they could fight and win, she would have said so.

After weeks of running a map of the city was indelibly printed in his mind, and he could have found his way into J sector under air bombardment. Their next rendezvous would be at the old alley theater, and as that had been the official word as soon as they settled in for the evening, he assumed Jenkarta intended to keep it.

Or he so assumed until a woman in rebel gear swung around the corner just ahead of him and opened fire. He threw himself down without thinking, rolling over one shoulder and coming up with his weapon trained instinctively on her. But she was picking off his pursuers as they skidded out from under cover at the other end of the boulevard, and his target site tracked to follow hers.

"Get back!" she shouted at him. "Go!"

It was her territory and he obeyed without hesitation, diving around the corner that had sheltered her. In a moment she was right behind him, pushing him out of the way and yanking open what looked like a maintenance access to the basement of the building. "In," she ordered succinctly.

It was a longer drop than he had expected, and he landed awkwardly in the damp darkness. There was a loud slam from somewhere above him, and he saw a pinpoint light flick on. It shone briefly on the access while she did something to it, possibly locking it behind her while she perched on the small lip his haphazard tumble had completely missed.

Then the light went out and she leapt down, landing rather more gracefully than he had. "You're from red group," she said, making it a statement rather than a question. "The last one for that route, I think. The 'tron were too close on your heels for anyone else to be coming down that way."

Her weapon was trained on him, he realized suddenly. There was little light for his eyes to adjust to in this windowless, subterranean alcove, but he could almost feel the target lock. Yet she made no attempt to interrogate him--

The pieces fell together in his mind and he barely had time to damp down his own empathic echo before he felt the whisper-soft scan come searching. Someone else's empathic signature slid across the surface of his mind, verifying the lack of hostile intent before vanishing back into the quiet.

A tiny green flicker from the vicinity of her wrist told the rest of the story. She wasn't alone any more than he was; she was part of a larger resistance cell that must be based in J sector for the night. They must be pulling red group off the streets as they came in, and their empath was double-checking everyone who entered. Had Jenkarta known they were here? Two groups were rarely in such close proximity, even in the capitol city.

"Ledeyan vouches for you," she said, her voice a little friendlier this time. "You'll be safe with us tonight; the 'tron have never penetrated this part of the underground. Sorry you got rousted," she added, flicking her pinpoint light on again. She did something to the light and it went widebeam, illuminating a decent-sized circle on the hard floor between them.

"So am I," he answered, with tired humor. "Thank you for assisting us."

As soon as he spoke, she flipped the light up to shine directly on his face. He winced a little and she moved it away again, shining it upward so that it cast a dim glow over the both of them. Her face was shadowed but visible, and he could see an expression of utter shock on her face.

"Saryn?" she breathed, not as though she expected him to answer.

"Yes," he replied anyway, a little wary. He had received everything from condolences to congratulations since revealing his identity, though here on this planet of legends the rebels tended to greet him with calm that bordered on indifference. It was a welcome change, and in some ways he did not look forward to leaving it behind.

"I heard you were alive," she said. Now her voice was oddly neutral. "I didn't believe it."

He didn't know how to react to that, but this time she seemed to expect some sort of response. "No?" he asked at last.

"No," she said. "And you know why? Because," she continued, not waiting for him to answer, "I thought that if you were really alive, then of course you would have contacted me. The Rangers aren't exactly low profile, you know; I wasn't hard to find. And wasn't it the least you could do? Don't you think you owed us that much?"

He stared at her in the dim light, wondering who she could possibly be to accuse him of neglecting her. He did consider the possibility that she was unstable, but she had mentioned the Rangers--the Power didn't tend to choose people with a predilection for insanity.

The silence stretched out between them, and finally he gave up. "Who are you?" he asked bluntly. He didn't have the energy to play games right now.

"Who am I?" She stared at him. Her eyes were blue enough to be striking even in the shadows, and for an instant they seemed distantly familiar. But the flicker of memory was gone before he could pin it down, and she was once again just a blonde-haired freedom fighter from someone else's resistance cell.

"Who am I," she repeated, her tone disbelieving. "Who are *you* to forget, Saryn? Who were you to run away, all those years ago? Who were you to abandon us when we needed you the most? Who were you to let us think you had *died*?"

"You... are Elisian?" he guessed, trying to suppress the anger her words evoked.

"Yes." She sounded disgusted. "I'm Elisian." She yanked her jacket back and shone her flashlight on the dull but recognizable embroidery adorning her shirt. "Do you know what that symbol means, Saryn? Or have you forgotten what that is, too?"

It was the sunburst logo of the Elisian Rangers, and his anger drained away as quickly as it had come. "If you replaced one of my teammates, then you have every right to be upset," he said quietly. "Their loss has haunted me as well, and if it is any consolation I will carry that guilt to my grave."

There was a quiet moment. She lowered the flashlight beam to the floor, letting the pool of light fall across the space between them. "You really don't remember, do you," she said, her voice unsteady. "You honestly don't recognize me?"

He gazed at her, trying to find something, anything that was familiar. The distress in her eyes roused some protective instinct in him, and he thought that it somehow confirmed her words. He must have seen her before, somewhere--but where, and when? *And who?* his mind demanded, disturbed by the sudden haziness of his memory.

"Gods, Saryn." She let out a half-chuckle, though the laugh sounded strangely despondent. "I was only seventeen, but I haven't changed that much!"

He hadn't lowered his empathic shields since he had arrived on Eltare, preferring the blindness to the feeling of desolation from the city around him. But now he felt something despite that, something that he could only call "familiar"--it had no other label, at least not one that he could call to mind.

He reached out and laid his palm on her forehead. She closed her eyes, not seeming at all surprised by the gesture. Her turmoil was glaringly apparent as soon as the contact was made, and he could feel too her pain and despair at a half-healed wound that had just now been torn asunder.

He soothed the hurt away as he had so many times before, from skinned knees to lost pets to the death of their father. There was a pain that only unconditional love could dispel, and in that brief moment of understanding he didn't know which of them did more for the other.

"Mirine," he whispered, staring at his younger sister in wonder. A rush of memories assaulted him, as though a long-closed floodgate had burst open. No longer was "home" just a word, a planet that he and his teammates had died to defend. Now home was a place where he and his sister had chased lizards and burned their feet, dug for water in the town square, and gone caving when the sun was too high to play outside. It was a place where they had watched the eclipse and celebrated birthdays and fallen in love... it was the place where they had grown up. Together.

She opened her eyes, looking back at him with a gaze as blue as his own. "You do remember," she said softly, searching his expression.

"You're the Pink Ranger." He remembered meeting her now, remembered being introduced to all of the new Rangers. Not as Saryn, of course... but how could he have forgotten that time of upheaval and chaos, when the Border was in disarray and the Defense was too new to exert any authority? "Thank you," he said, lowering his hand carefully. "Thank you for giving our people the hope they so desperately needed."

"It wasn't enough," she said, a little sadly. "We couldn't keep our planet free."

"But our people are. You, me, the others... we are what matters. A planet is just a place. Freedom--and family," he added, smiling at her, "are intangible and undefeatable."

She gave him a wavering smile, and his role as protector reasserted itself with a vengeance. He drew her into a fierce hug, and he felt her arms go around him. "I'm so proud of you, Mirine," he whispered. "There's no one better to hold Jenna's crystal."

"Thank you," she whispered back, the waver still there in her voice. "I'm so glad you're here."

"So am I," he said, squeezing her harder. Now that she was here, in front of him again, he couldn't imagine what had prompted him to shut out the part of his life that had been her. He had wanted no ties to the past, he remembered that much... but why? Why hadn't he let her help him? Why hadn't he been there to help *her* when she and her brand-new teammates had had to take on the Ranger powers alone?

There was a flicker of red in the darkness, and she pulled away from him abruptly. "I'm late reporting in--if we don't get to Ledeyan soon he's going to send someone to find me. Probably several someones."

"Lead the way," he suggested, reluctant to let her go but mindful that she had her own life now, even as he had his.

"I think you'll be surprised," she warned, as she lead the way out of the basement with her single light. "This isn't exactly a one-night camp."

He considered that for a moment, suppressing the urge to ask about her life beyond the Eltaran siege. Putting it together with the rumors that had been running rampant among red group for the last few days, he surmised, "You're preparing for an all-out attack on the capitol building."

"Yes," she said simply. "Tomorrow. The building will be left standing, but anyone inside after zero seven hundred local time won't be leaving again."

He didn't ask for details; she either didn't have them or shouldn't be giving them out. But he did wonder that she knew that much--usually only the section leaders had timetables. Even group leaders like Jenkarta didn't know much more than where and what.

His eye caught the dim fall of light ahead in the darkened corridor, but it didn't prepare him for what he saw when they rounded the corner. Lanterns were strung from above, all with rigged foils to keep the light focused in the center of the converted basement. They illuminated a scene so different from red group's earlier camp that it made his eyes widen: several people were sprawled full-length on actual bedrolls, while others gathered near a portable cooking unit. There were two people passing the time with a hand game he had never learned, and another who was departing the room with some amount of urgency as they entered.

That was when he realized that the room he saw was only one part of a larger subterranean complex. Mirine glanced his way in time to catch his startled expression, and she smiled. "I did warn you," she reminded him, a touch of pride in her voice.

"That you did," he murmured, following when she gestured him down a short hallway and into what had to be the main chamber. He had to wonder what such a network had been used for in the days before the siege.

"Ledeyan!" Mirine called, waving to someone on the other side of the room.

A man wearing an Eltaran voyager's vest looked up, caught her eye and lifted a hand in acknowledgement. His eyes slid to Saryn with a penetrating look, and for a moment they reflected a disconcerting echo back at him. It was an empath's stare, and Saryn was careful to keep his walls up. The man looked away, and he couldn't help a quiet sigh of relief.

"I'm taking another shift of sentry duty before I sleep," Mirine was saying. "You've been accounted for to Jenkarta, so I want you to take my spot by the heat generators and get some rest. You look exhausted."

"I am," he admitted ruefully. He was grateful for the warmth, though, and he tugged his jacket open a little further. "But I do not wish to--"

"I'll wake you when I come back," she interrupted, anticipating his protest. "We can switch places then." Her eyes focused abruptly on his chest, and she cocked her head. "We do have some catching up to do," she said, her voice a little softer as she reached out to touch the necklace he wore over his shirt. "Who's this?"

He glanced down at the ring in her fingers, smiling involuntarily. "Cassie Chan," he said, taking it from her and slipping the necklace off over his head. He activated the embedded holomatrix and held it out, so she could see the miniature image that smiled up at him. The holomatrix was a piece of technical gadgetry, but the enspelled ring projected Cassie's voice for his ears only.

"She's beautiful," Mirine offered, studying the hologram carefully. "Is that a Ranger insignia she's wearing?"

"She's an Astro Ranger," he said proudly. "The Pink Ranger, in fact," he added, catching his sister's eye with a smile.

She smiled back. "I've heard of the Astro Rangers... I thought they were Aquitian, but she's not--is she?"

He shook his head. "The Astro Rangers are human, as she is. I hope you may meet her soon."

"So do I," she agreed, straightening up. "I'm happy for you, Saryn..." She stared at him so intently that for a moment he wondered what she was seeing in his gaze. Then, finally, she smiled shyly and added, "And I'm happy for me, too, because you're here."

In those words he heard the echo of the teenager she had once been, and he touched her forehead again without thinking. It was a big brother gesture that he supposed he had never quite outgrown--putting words to his feelings had never been his strongest area, but she had always known how he felt. He had made sure she knew... he knew from the smile that lit her eyes that she could feel his love in that touch.

He let his hand fall and she took a step back, her brisk rebel persona not quite obscuring the smile that lingered on her face. "Sleep, Saryn," she told him. "I'll be back later."

He acquiesced with a smile of his own, glancing in Ledeyan's direction as he made his way toward the place she had indicated. To his relief, the empath appeared to have completely missed the exchange--he would have to be more careful in the future.

Someone acknowledged him sleepily as he stretched out by one of the heat generators, but his other neighbor did not stir. Mirine's bedroll was the epitome of luxury compared to the hard surface of the streets, and he could feel his tired body relaxing the moment he lay down.

With something between him and the ground, and warmth seeping into him from all sides, he was more comfortable than he had been in days. Before sleep could sneak up on him, he reached for the ring Mirine had inquired about and wrapped his fingers around it carefully. Once more he heard Cassie's voice saying, *I love you, Saryn,* and he smiled to himself as he closed his eyes.

_She sat cross-legged on his bed, turning his ruby over and over in her hands. "I know it's silly," she said abruptly, "and I know this isn't going to sound right, but I'm going to say it anyway because I want you to know."_

_He smiled, recognizing her ongoing effort to do as he had asked months ago and tell him what was on her mind. "Please do," he agreed, taking the ruby from her gently and slipping it over his head._

_She looked up, catching and holding his gaze. "Sometimes I wish you could just stay on Aquitar where it's safe," she admitted. "Or even the Megaship, where DECA and everyone could watch out for you. Actually," she decided, a bit impishly, "if I really got my wish you'd just stay next to me all day long and I'd never have to worry at all."_

_His smile turned wistful, but he tried not to let her see it. "Sometimes I wish that as well," he said softly. "Do you think the universe will ever let it be like that?"_

_She giggled. "I hope not," she said, surprising him. "We'd probably drive each other crazy in a day. But it's a nice thought."_

_He sighed, knowing his attempt to refrain from melancholy had failed. "You would not drive me crazy. Do you suppose normal people ever get to spend all day every day together?"_

_"Maybe on their honeymoon," she suggested, the impish light still in her eyes. "You'll have to marry me sometime."_

_He swallowed, surprised to hear her say so lightly what had been on his mind for so long. Searching her expression, he began, "This is not exactly the way I had planned it..."_

_She giggled again. "I was kidding, Saryn."_

_He took something from his dresser, staring down at it before clenching his fingers and turning back to her. "I was not," he said evenly, though his heart was pounding. She had been joking, and he would be gone tomorrow... this was not perhaps the most fortuitous time for such a declaration. But he had wanted to do this for longer than she knew, and he couldn't stop now._

_He went down on one knee, holding out his hand to her. "Cassie Chan," he said, inexplicably pleased to see her eyes widen at his gesture. "I've loved you longer than I've known you, and, in accordance with the tradition of both our peoples, I wonder if you would do me the honor of marrying me."_

_He uncurled his fingers slowly, trying to keep them from trembling as he waited on her reaction to the ring in his hand._

_She opened her mouth, but no sound came out. Finally, in a voice barely above a whisper, she managed, "When?"_

_"Now." He could see the tears shining in her eyes, and he could only pray that they were a good thing. "Tonight, while we are still together." He stopped there, for the last thing he wanted was to emphasize the danger of the place where he was going. "Please?" he added quietly._

_She nodded, a single tear sliding down her cheek as she stared at him. "Of course I'll marry you," she whispered. "All you had to do was ask."_

_He reached out and took her hands, pulling her to her feet in the middle of his room. "May our souls be as one," he said softly, running his fingers across her forehead. "May our hearts beat together." He laid his hand over her heart and smiled at her. "May we share each day that we are given, and may we live to love again."_

_He leaned in to kiss her gently, and she turned her face toward his as their mouths met. "My spirit renews its promise of eternity to yours," he whispered, breathing the words into her ear. "I offer this token as a symbol of the love I cherish forever."_

_He drew away a little, looking down as he took the fingers of her left hand in his. Her hand trembled as he slid the ring onto her finger, and her cheeks were wet with tears when he lifted his eyes to hers again._

_"Is that--" She stumbled over the words, swallowing hard before she managed to continue. "Is that tradition, or have you been thinking about it for that long?"_

_"Both," he said, kissing her again. She wrapped her arms around him, pressing close in his embrace and returning his kiss with a passion that he was hard-pressed to ignore. She didn't present him with the other ring until several hours later._

Voices from somewhere nearby woke him. He didn't know why that should be so, given that the low-pitched murmur of conversation was neither intrusive nor unusual in this environment. But as consciousness made its persistent presence felt, he heard Mirine's voice intertwining with one he didn't recognize and sounding more urgent than he would have expected.

He struggled to overhear without moving from his warm and extremely comfortable position beside the heat generators, but she was too far away. With a sigh, he pushed himself up and climbed stiffly to his feet. He forced his legs to carry him across the room, maneuvering around an array of sleeping bodies and noting absently that the hour must be quite late.

"Authorize blue group to deploy two individuals," Mirine was telling someone he had never met. A relay, by the way he stood to attention and breathed deeply as though still trying to repay an oxygen debt. "Only two--and make sure they know they're to be physically clear of that building by oh five hundred."

The relay nodded, but before he could turn to go Jenkarta had appeared soundlessly at Mirine's side. "What's happening?" he asked, stifling a yawn and nodding once to Saryn.

Mirine did not look happy. "Blue group's empath was captured almost an hour ago. We think she's being taken to the capitol building to await 'trial' in imprisonment."

Jenkarta frowned. "When can we go after her?"

"We can't." She didn't look pleased with what she was saying, but she didn't hold back either. "The organization for this goes back weeks now, and we can't change a militia-wide effort for one person. We can't really even spare the people from blue group to go after her, but she's their teammate and I can't keep them from trying."

With that reply, Saryn finally made the belated realization that had been evading him since he arrived. Mirine didn't have an unusual amount of information for someone who wasn't a section leader--Mirine *was* the section leader. And Jenkarta knew it too.

"What if a Ranger went after her?" Saryn asked, when Jenkarta fell silent. "One of the battleships could lock onto the Power signature from orbit and teleport them both out."

"There's no time," Mirine told him. "We don't have direct surface-to-ship communication. Or at least, none that's secure--they'd be waiting for you the moment you set foot inside the building."

His fingers twitched, and he deliberately didn't look at the ring he wore around his neck. They might not have secure communication, but he did. He knew that if he went in alone, his chances of effecting a rescue would be no better than blue group's--but he didn't have to go in alone.

"Don't even think about it, Saryn," Mirine warned, giving him a hard look. "I know that expression."

"Is there really no secure communication?" Jenkarta wanted to know. "I was under the impression that we were receiving orders from the air."

Mirine hesitated. "It's more complicated than that," she said at last, and Saryn took a casual step back. Her gaze swung toward him, eyes narrowed, and he shook his head at her suspicion, indicating the heat generators. She kept her eyes on him until he settled down again, closing his eyes briefly in the pretense of sleep.

As suspicious as she had been, it wasn't suspicious enough. Distracted by the conversation with Jenkarta, she wouldn't glance back at the heat generators for several minutes, and by then his prone form would be gone. She would curse quietly, scanning the room, but the search would come up empty. All she would find was his ring on her bedroll, glowing faintly in the well-lit room. 

And when Cassie and the Megaship came for him, snatching him and his rescuee away less than an hour before the assault would have decimated the capitol building, her relief would only narrowly override her anger at his risk. The reaction was later mitigated by the triumphant liberation of Eltare's capitol--along with Cassie Chan's identical response to Saryn's insubordination--but she would secretly hold close to her heart the knowledge that her brother had not changed so much after all.

  


**Starlight**

A single stain glass lamp cast its cozy glow throughout the loft. A tri-color rainbow spread across the translucent shade, with sunset orange and gold lighting the background and a simulated tree trunk holding the bulb. The lamp had been rescued from storage for the sole purpose of illuminating this space between house and roof that TJ had come to call "the loft".

Partially insulated but not heated, the area was chilly on a December afternoon. But the beanbag chair he shared with Tessa held warmth well, and the cool air gave them an excuse to cuddle together under an old patchwork quilt. Similarly liberated from storage was the ancient boombox within Tessa's reach on the other side of the beanbag, and today it filled the air with the ubiquitous music of the season.

Some of the time, anyway. Tessa insisted on station surfing whenever a commercial came on, and she settled on country stations as often as she chose pop radio. While the latter was playing the songs he had heard all his life, the former had a distinctly bizarre sense of holiday spirit. TJ had listened to "Rusty Chevrolet", "Santa Got A Semi", and "Leroy The Red-Necked Reindeer" before he demanded that she change the station back to something more conventional.

She had, but she had chided him for having no sense of humor and before long they were back to country again. This time she had tuned into a less outrageous song, and he said nothing as Tessa tucked her arm under the quilt and rested her head on his shoulder again. Did it matter, after all, what they listened to right now?

It was Christmas Eve, and no matter the festivities around them, TJ couldn't help feeling a little melancholy. They would be leaving in a few hours, heading north to spend the night with their families in Sanborn. While he was looking forward to seeing his parents and his sister, and he was delighted that Tessa's family had allowed her to ride up with him and his uncle, he had mixed feelings about leaving Angel Grove during the holidays.

For one thing, any evil with the smallest amount of intelligence knew that a time of celebration was the best time to attack. Christmas in Angel Grove did have a history of trouble, including one memorable occasion last year when he had had to teleport back to help deal with menacingly bewitched reindeer.

Aside from that, though, there was the team itself. Why did he feel so much more isolated from it this year? Why did it feel like him and them instead of "us"? And why did he feel like he was only driving the wedge deeper by going home now?

He had gone home for Christmas last year, too. But last year the party at the Youth Center had spilled over into the morning of Christmas Eve, and the whole team had relocated to Ashley's house. They had slept and played games and watched TV in their pajamas until noon, and when he finally left it was with the warm camaraderie of friendship following him.

This year he and Tessa had helped Adelle decorate for the annual party, and they had attended together. Ashley had come too, though neither Andros nor Zhane put in an appearance. Cassie hadn't shown either, and Carlos had been distracted and moody all evening. He had left early, claiming fatigue. Ashley had left, somewhat apologetically, soon afterwards.

Not that he hadn't had a good time anyway; between Tessa, Karen, and Justin, he had been introduced to almost everyone who walked through the doors of the Surf Spot. But when he dropped Tessa off at Karen's house for the night and returned home to find his uncle still out, he had been struck by the difference between this year and last. They were growing apart--the five formerly inseparable teammates were no longer each other's only friends. He knew that shouldn't sadden him, but, on some level, it did nonetheless.

*Another year has come and gone,* he thought, quoting an old calendar poem he had memorized once. It had been one of those junior high homework assignments that never quite faded the way it was supposed to. *Another year has flown...*

It occurred to him to wonder where they would be next year at Christmas. They would graduate in June, but after that what would keep any of them in Angel Grove? On closer reflection, he decided rather sullenly, he wasn't sure he liked this "growing up" business at all.

"Now Christmas seems to come so fast," the tinny radio sang, an irritating counterpoint to his thoughts. "More than once a year... childhood never seems to last, and grownup ways appear..."

He sighed, resigned to the universe's sense of humor by now. "If I could turn the tide of time," the radio continued, "I'd do it sure enough--"

"Hey," Tessa interrupted quietly. "Whatcha thinking?"

"Just moping," he said, staring idly into the distance. "Don't mind me."

She craned her neck to look up at him without lifting her head. "Since when are you Scrooge?" she teased gently. "It's Christmas, remember?"

"That's the problem," he admitted. "It's Christmas, but... where is everyone, you know?"

She didn't answer for a moment. Finally, she said, "I get the feeling you don't mean everyone in Sanborn."

He hesitated. "No," he said slowly. "Maybe I should, though." Tessa was a constant reminder that he wasn't quite like everyone else. Sometimes he was glad of it, and sometimes... "I mean, they're my family, right?"

"You can't choose your family," she reminded him. "If you could, I think the Rangers would be yours. There's nothing wrong with missing them."

He squeezed her shoulder, grateful to her for understanding. "It's funny," he mused. "But since the Alliance of Evil fell apart, I feel like we see each other less instead of more."

"You have time for other things now," Tessa said softly. "Time to get a life, as Karen would say."

He chuckled. "Yeah," he agreed, reaching for her hand. "I guess I'm just realizing how much being Rangers holds us together. Most of us wouldn't have even met if it weren't for the team, and now that the team isn't everything anymore, we're starting to go our own ways again."

"Oh, that's not true," she scolded. "Don't be maudlin, TJ. You all go to the same school, and you're never more than two seconds away from each other thanks to these." She pulled their clasped hands out from under the quilt so that his morpher was visible.

He smiled at her indignation, but he wasn't deterred. "That's not what I mean, though. Even when we are together, we're not really. You saw Carlos last night--sometimes I'm not sure he even knows what day it is when Aura's not around. And Ashley's been counting down to graduation almost since school started... Did you know we only have a hundred and four days left?"

She giggled. "My roommate started counting the weeks back in September, if that's any comfort."

"At least your roommate made it through the semester," he countered. "Sometimes I'm not sure Cassie's going to make it to January, let alone June."

Tessa frowned in surprise. "She's not going to college?"

He snorted. "She's already threatened to drop out of high school twice, and it's only December. If she graduates at all it'll be a miracle."

She was quiet for a moment. "What would she do?" she asked at last.

TJ shrugged a little. "I haven't the faintest idea, but I suppose it would involve riding off into the sunset with Saryn somewhere."

"Not very practical," she said, a smile in her voice.

"But appealing," he said wryly. "And Saryn only encourages her."

"No." Tessa sounded startled. "He wouldn't, would he? He doesn't seem like the type."

"Oh, he doesn't mean to." He considered for a moment. "Actually, he may be the only thing keeping her in school, because you know all he'd have to do is say the word and she'd go. But he doesn't help, either. He's on Eltare most of the time, and when he's here it seems like all he does is say hello, pick Cassie up, and whisk her away on some romantic getaway. It's no wonder she doesn't want to be in school."

"Missing parent syndrome," Tessa murmured.

He raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"You know, when parents get divorced. The one who leaves is always the hero, because they're only around to do fun things on the weekend. They never have to deal with day-to-day life."

"Are you saying their relationship works because they're never together?" TJ couldn't help but be amused by the thought that, after everything Cassie and her Phantom had been through, they wouldn't be able to handle grocery shopping and car payments.

She breathed out in amusement, obviously getting a similar mental picture. "No, of course not. I've never seen anyone as devoted as they are. That's just what your description reminded me of."

They were quiet for a little while, listening to a surprisingly normal rendition of "Winter Wonderland" on Tessa's latest country station. Then, suddenly, she asked, "What about Ashley and Carlos?"

"What about them?" he asked, though he had a pretty good idea what she meant. The beanbag shifted underneath him as he tried to get a little more comfortable.

"Do they want to ride off into the sunset too?" She didn't try to move, knowing by now that two people trying to reshape a beanbag chair never worked as well as one.

"No," he said, hugging her a little closer as he resettled himself. "And Carlos is talking about going to AGU. But Ashley already applied to at least three places for early notification, and only one of them's even in-state."

"Horror," Tessa teased gently. "Imagine her wanting to leave home!"

He smiled a little at that. "Angel Grove's only a couple of hours from Sanborn. It's not the same thing."

"It never is when it's you," she reminded him. "What does Andros think?"

He shrugged. "Who knows? I'm not sure Andros really gets the whole college thing. As far as he's concerned, it's just four more years of high school."

"It's not," she murmured. "I don't think she's going to want to teleport back to the Megaship every afternoon."

"I know," he said, a little frustrated. "But I don't know how much she's tried to explain it to him. She keeps saying it's her decision, and that she's going to get out of high school before she worries about college."

Tessa didn't answer, and he tried to relax a little. It *was* Ashley's decision, and it was her issue to work out with Andros. He wasn't involved, and he wouldn't have any advice to give even if he were. What did he know about offplanet relationships?

He actually chuckled as a thought occurred to him. "You know, it wasn't when we became Rangers that things got complicated," he remarked. "It was when we went into space. Whose brilliant idea was that, anyway?"

She giggled. "Yours!"

"That'll teach me to speak before I think," he said, grinning. "'Guys, let's go into space! Let's go chase Zordon halfway across the universe!' Great idea, TJ; just great."

"Maybe if you just hadn't said, 'Let's get involved with the first aliens we meet,'" she suggested impishly.

"I didn't!" he declared. "They did that on their own!"

There was a smile in her voice as she nestled her head closer to his chest. "Then what are you worried about? They got this far; they'll work it out."

And what if they did, he wondered. What would he do then? What if Ashley went off to school in New England and Andros went with her? What if Carlos decided he'd rather work on Aquitian zords than study athletic training at AGU? What if Cassie left with Saryn one of these days and just didn't come back?

"Do you really think they won't make it?" Tessa asked when he didn't reply. She sounded more serious than she had a moment before.

"No..." He sighed, knowing he could never tell anyone else this. "I think they'll make it. And I guess that sort of scares me. I mean... what am I going to do without them?"

"The same thing you did before," she offered, not bothering to mention their morphers this time. "Go on. Whether you're a Ranger or not, that's what graduating is about. You have to go your own way, and sometimes that means leaving friends. It doesn't mean you have to give them up. It just means that... things might be a little different now."

"You can't go home again?" he suggested wryly.

"No," she countered. "You can't go back, TJ. But you can always go home."

He smiled at the conviction in her voice. She would know, he supposed. She was his "next year", after all. He reached up to touch the clip he had given her last night, now firmly fastened in her hair. "Nice barrette, Tess."

She laughed, hearing his unvoiced agreement in the idle statement. "Nice toy, TJ," she echoed, pointing at the Lightcast sitting on the floor by the lamp. Or, as he had decided to refer to it, his fiber optic chia pet. 

"Thanks," he said proudly. The delicate fiber optic threads waved gently when he nudged it with his finger, and the ends twinkled each time the angle was just right. "My favorite person in the whole world gave it to me."

"She must be pretty special," she teased.

"Oh, she is," he agreed. He remembered her words the night before when he had pulled it out of its wrapping paper, and suddenly his eyes widened. "Hey! You were talking about me last night, weren't you!"

"When?" she asked, but her tone was amused.

"When you said my fiber optic chia pet was like the stars," he told her, and she giggled at his description. "You said sometimes you can't see their light unless you look at them a certain way--"

"But it's always there," she finished with an audible grin. "You just got that now, huh? Good job, TJ."

"My own fault for having an obscure girlfriend," he muttered, and she slapped his arm.

"Who are you calling obscure?" she demanded.

The rest of her retort--and he was sure she had more--was interrupted by a knock from the hallway below. "Io, lovebirds!" Max shouted up to them. "I need my suitcase!"

Tessa giggled. "Come get it!" she called back. "It's safe!"

"That's what you think," TJ whispered, too quietly for Max to overhear. She squeaked as he gave her ear a playful nip, and she slapped his arm again. 

"Behave," Tessa hissed, just as Max stuck his head warily over the top of the ladder.

"Hi Uncle Max," TJ greeted him innocently. "Did you have a good time last night?"

"Why, yes..." He clambered up the rest of the way, eyeing the Lightcast. "And what, precisely, is that?"

"A fiber optic chia pet," TJ replied helpfully, and Tessa burst into giggles again.

"It's a Lightcast," she managed, and Max raised an eyebrow. "It's just colored bulbs and fiber optics," she added. "So you can only see the light when you're looking straight through one of the threads."

"Or it's space," TJ put in, and she smiled.

"Or it's space," she agreed. "Not that TJ would know."

"Hey!" he exclaimed, but suddenly she shushed him and reached for the radio. "What--"

He broke off as he recognized the caller talking to the DJ. "It's not a Christmas song," the caller was saying. "But since everyone sort of tries to figure out where they're going at the end of the year, I was wondering if you could play 'Destination Unknown'."

"I think we could do that," the DJ drawled. "You want to send that out to someone?"

There was a pause, and then Cassie's voice replied, "Could you send it out to the team? They'll know who it is."

"Can do," the DJ said easily. "Like you said, though, that's not a Christmas song, and we're trying to get in the spirit around here. Care to make a second request?"

"Can I?" Cassie sounded delighted. "Have you played 'Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer' yet?"

TJ snickered, and he heard the DJ chuckle. "Nope, but I think we should. Thanks for calling in, Cassie from Angel Grove."

"Thank you," Cassie answered. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas to you too, honey."

"I guess Cassie's back," TJ said in an aside to Tessa. "Nice of her to let us know."

"She just did," Tessa said softly. "Listen to the song."

"Do you know how many times I've heard that reindeer song this year?" Max was complaining as he rooted around for his suitcase in another part of the loft. "Couldn't she have picked 'Jingle Bell Rock' or something?"

"I've heard *that* a million times this year," TJ informed him. "Now be quiet."

The song Cassie had requested was one he'd never heard before, but for something Cassie liked it was typically fast and upbeat. And, he noted with amusement, it was love at first sight. But he smiled at the chorus, and after a moment he realized that even Max had stopped his search to listen.

__

"I asked if she knew where we were going  
She said half the fun of going is not knowing"

TJ shook his head. *How does she know?* he wondered silently.

He caught Tessa's eye as the song came to an end and whispered, "Let's go try and find everyone to say Merry Christmas again before we leave."

A smile spread across her face, and she nodded. He pulled the quilt away and she scrambled out of his arms, taking the quilt from him as he struggled to get out of the suddenly squishy beanbag chair. "We're going to go up to the Megaship for a little while," he said, managing to push himself up. "Don't get into too much trouble, Uncle Max."

Tessa dropped the quilt back on the beanbag just as "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" replaced the closing chords of "Destination Unknown". Smiling, she turned the radio off.

"Thank you," Max said fervently, looking over his shoulder to wave at them. "I'll try to be packed by the time you get back."

"We won't hurry," TJ said with a grin. Tessa laughed, and he saw Max give the two of them a mock-scowl as they disappeared into the sapphire teleportation stream.

  


**Identity**

"Strike!"

"Oh, it was not," Ashley's voice argued. "That was such a gutter ball."

"What game are you playing?" Carlos demanded. "All the pins fell down!"

"Yeah, after the ball hit the wall!"

"Who says it can't bounce off the wall?"

"The rules!" Ashley sounded indignant. "Bowling alleys don't let you bounce balls off the wall! It's down the middle or nothing!"

"Hi Kerone," Carlos added belatedly, finally catching sight of her at the other end of the hallway. "How's it going?"

"Good," she answered. She stepped around the pins scattered haphazardly across the floor and wandered down the hall toward them. "How are you?"

"Carlos cheats!" Ashley exclaimed. "He's trying to tell me that he's allowed to count that as a strike even after the ball hit the wall!"

"I am," Carlos insisted stubbornly. "I'm telling you, the pins fell down."

"And I'm telling you it doesn't matter because the ball hit the wall!"

Kerone was tempted to tell him that the rules she had been taught put him in the wrong, but she suspected he knew that perfectly well. The two of them were probably having as much fun arguing as they had been playing the game. "Have either of you seen Zhane?" she asked instead.

"No," Ashley said, momentarily diverted. "But Andros is on the Bridge. If DECA doesn't know, he might."

"Thanks," Kerone said with a smile, pausing by her door to study the hallway. Given that she wasn't entirely sure she wanted to find him, she hadn't asked DECA yet. And since she had just come from talking with Andros, she wasn't about to turn around and go back.

"Want to play?" Carlos asked. He must have either seen her expression or misinterpreted her hesitation, and the offer was a kind one.

Still, she shook her head. "No thanks. I'm just thinking."

"Too bad Carlos doesn't do that," Ashley teased. "Then he wouldn't still be trying to claim that supposed strike."

"Hey, in indoor soccer you play it off the walls," Carlos informed her. "How is this any different?"

"All bowling is indoors!" Ashley exclaimed. "There's no difference between indoor bowling in one place and indoor bowling in another!"

"So you're saying that if we play outdoors I get to make the rules?"

"No! And you know why? Because first it would have to stop raining long enough for us to do anything, and second, you're already making up rules here so why should I give you permission to do it anywhere else?"

Carlos grinned at her. "Because of my good looks and charming personality?"

"You're lucky you're funny, Carlos," Ashley told him, smirking.

Kerone smiled to herself. "Enjoy your study break," she murmured, turning back to her door at last. She would miss hearing their banter every afternoon.

"See you, Kerone," Carlos called, and Ashley echoed him.

She let the door close behind her, soaking in the darkness for just a moment. There was something comforting about the night, and though she sometimes found that thought symbolically troubling, she couldn't deny that it was true. In the darkness it was just her, and it was a situation that seemed increasingly rare these days.

Finally, she reached out and touched the control panel by the door. The lights came up, banishing the darkness and taking a part of her with it. They had the added effect of illuminating Zhane, sitting motionless in the chair by her computer terminal.

She was careful not to let her reaction show, but his sudden presence made her muscles tense as her body searched instinctively for a threat. The others had learned very quickly not to sneak up on her, but he seemed to do it over and over, completely by accident.

At least, she assumed it was by accident.

"Zhane," she said, by way of greeting. Her tone was cooler than she had meant it to be, but she was already a bit on edge and he had startled her.

He studied her, not moving from his original position. It wasn't his usual careless sprawl; today he sat stiffly in her chair with his arms folded across his chest. His eyes were dark and troubled, and his expression was far from one of lazy indifference. Without having to ask, she knew he knew.

"Hi Kerone," he said quietly, his gaze sliding toward her bed.

She tried not to wince. He had done that on purpose, she was sure. He only called her "Kerone" when he was upset about something, and since he tried so hard to project an untroubled air it was sometimes the only indicator she had. Today wasn't one of those times, but it certainly added emphasis to his disapproval.

She followed his gaze, studying the frame pack she had borrowed from Cassie as though she had never seen it before. It contained few clothes, for she could simulate most of what she needed. She did have the jacket Ashley had given her for Christmas, and one of Andros' sweatshirts--he had said the Ranger insignia might come in handy someday. 

Other than that, though, it was mostly supplies, both borrowed and synthesized. She had known as soon as she opened her mouth to Saryn last time that Cassie would eventually find out, but she had needed his advice more than anyone's. And Cassie had turned out to be surprisingly helpful, from the loan of the backpack to a fairly comprehensive view of what she might need or want.

"You could have told me," Zhane said, breaking into her reflection.

She deliberately didn't shrug. That was his gesture when he wanted to brush something off, and she couldn't do that. Not if she was going to do what she had to and still keep his friendship.

"It was a decision I had to make alone," she said at last. "It's something I have to *do* alone, and I had to start with the decision."

"You told Saryn." His tone was even, but she could see the hurt in his eyes.

She would have dearly loved to ask how he knew that, but she knew that would just make it sound like she had been trying to keep it from him. There were no secrets on the Megaship, not for long. That was one of the reasons she had to leave.

"I told Saryn," she agreed slowly. She didn't want to hurt him, but she wasn't going to tell him something that wasn't true either. "I told him because I knew he wouldn't try to influence me one way or the other, and I needed his advice. He knows more about being out in the local group alone than any of us do."

"As a Ranger!" Zhane burst out. "Not as a civilian! And not as a *girl*!"

She raised an eyebrow. "I don't appreciate that," she informed him. "I may not be a Ranger, but I'm not exactly powerless. And there are plenty of people in the galaxies who don't even recognize humans, let alone gender."

That didn't seem to reassure him in the slightest. "Would you have been happier if I said human, then?" he demanded. "Saryn's not that either. He was raised in a colony that probably taught him more about the way things work than someone sheltered all her life by evil's most powerful forces could ever learn!"

That stung, and she knew he had meant it to. She felt a flicker of doubt and she frowned irritably, trying to regain her precarious calm. She wasn't going to let him drag her into his argument the way he had so many times before. 

"I respect you, Zhane," she told him firmly. "Even when you're insulting and offensive. But I respect myself, too, and I know this is something that I have to do. I'm sorry you're being such a jerk about it, but it's not going to change my mind."

He stared at her, open-mouthed, and she held her breath. Outwardly she managed to maintain her composure, but inwardly she flinched. It took practice to learn to be tactful, and sometimes she was afraid that years of letting words fly without the slightest consideration might have made her incapable of it.

Finally, he looked away. "Okay," he muttered, dropping the word into the silence like a stone. "Right." She thought she saw him swallow. "Will you at least tell me why?"

She tried not to sigh. That single question was the reason she had avoided telling anyone but Saryn until today. She had no glib answer for "why?" and that was all anyone seemed to want. No one wanted to hear, "because" or "I just do".

"I don't know," she admitted at last.

He opened his mouth, but she cut him off. "Zhane, all I can tell you is that when I left the Dark Fortress five months ago, Andros said I could do anything I wanted. He said I didn't owe the Rangers anything, and I believed him." 

She stopped, trying to gauge his reaction somehow. She knew she had to convince him that this was important to her before he would listen. "Andros said I could stay on the Megaship or not--he said he didn't want me to go, but that it was my decision. Five months ago, I decided to stay because I wanted to get to know my brother, and you, and Rangers that weren't as evil as I used to think.

"But now things are different." She was still studying him, wishing Zhane's inscrutable stare were a little more revealing. She didn't want to give him a chance to interrupt, but she did wish she knew what was going through his mind. "Now I know my brother, and sometimes I even feel like I know you. I've gotten to know the other Rangers, to the point where I know they mean it when they call me a friend."

She took a deep breath. If only she could just will him to understand. "The only one I still don't know is me, Zhane. I used to think I did, and when I gave that up I thought I'd find a new identity to take its place. But I haven't. I don't know who I am, and it's not getting any clearer by staying here, or even by riding around with Saryn. 

"He's been wonderful," she added, not wanting to belittle the other's efforts to help her find a place for herself. "But that's not me either, and until I know what is I'm just going to go through the motions, not really doing anything and getting more and more restless until I can't *stand* it anymore."

She shifted, barely keeping herself from stamping her foot. It was a leftover mannerism that she hadn't quite learned to suppress. By the quirk of Zhane's lips, he had seen her movement and knew exactly what it meant. She tried not to let that exasperate her further.

Then, quietly, he told her, "I understand."

She looked at him in surprise, her frustration evaporating with those two words. She had expected him to retort, to tell him that there was plenty for her to do, or that they needed her here, or even that she wouldn't find anything out there that wasn't already inside, or *something*. She could think of every argument he didn't voice, and she didn't have an answer for any of them.

"You... do?" She couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Yeah." He wasn't any easier to read now than he had been before, but at least he was agreeing with her. "I do." He sighed a little. "Do you... do you know where you're going, yet?"

She had a vague idea where she might start, but she shook her head "no" so he wouldn't ask. "I'll call," she offered tentatively. "If you want me to."

"Of *course* I want you to." She didn't quite catch the expression that flitted across his face before he pulled her into an awkward hug. "I'm not going to be able to stop worrying about you. Call every time you can, and I mean *every* time. Please."

She swallowed, surprised by his sudden turnabout. "You're the Ranger," she mumbled, putting her arms around him gingerly and hugging back. "I'll be more worried about you than you will about me."

"At least I'll have the team," he replied, his voice rough. "You're going to be out there all alone."

"Not really alone," she protested half-heartedly. "Not alone like Saryn was. Or like Andros." She felt him tremble a little at the mention of Andros, and she added, "I'll still have you..."

He squeezed her harder, and tears pricked her eyelids as she realized this might be the last time she felt his arms around her for a long time. She heard him whisper, "You'll always have me," and she tried not to sniffle. Crying wouldn't help anything.

He held her for a long time, until at last she wondered if he planned to let go at all. Finally, she drew back herself, keeping her head down so he couldn't see her face. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him lift a hand to scrub his own eyes impatiently, and the thought that he was that sorry to see her go gave her pause. Was she right to let them all go on without her, while she went off searching for something she couldn't even define?

"Could you do me a favor?" Zhane's voice was no stronger than it had been before, and when she looked up his gaze was bright with unshed tears.

She nodded wordlessly, not trusting herself to speak.

He reached up, tugging the two necklaces he wore free from under his t-shirt. He untangled them carefully, pulling the silver chain loose and slipping it off over his head. The violet star she had made for him so long ago now still hung against his shirt as he held the phoenix medallion out to her.

"Take this," he said, when she made no movement. He tried to smile. "It worked for me, after all."

"But..." She stared at it, not knowing what else to say.

"You promised," he reminded her, a little unsteadily. "This is the favor, so take it. I want you to have it."

When she reached for it at last, he lifted it higher and placed it over her head. She had to tug her hair free, and the silver chain settled around her neck as he let it go. She touched the medallion gently, and she felt his hand caress her cheek.

"Come back to me, Astrea," he whispered. "Find yourself--and then find me. I'll still be here."

Her fingers closed over the silver phoenix. "I will," she promised.


End file.
